My Top 5 Cringe Inducing Canadian Songs

Growing up in Canada we are exposed to a while slew of music that many is the US (or the rest of the World) will never be exposed to. Like most music aimed at teenagers the lyrical content is very lowest common denominator and do not age well. Though the popularity of these songs varied, they were all receiving radio play and were featured on Canadian music staple MuchMusic. I’ve compiled a list of the most cringe inducing songs.

Number 5: Hampton the Hamster

Hampton the Hampster brought us “The Hamsterdance Song” this electronic song was insanely repetitive and in fact is the musical version of nails on a chalkboard.

Number 4: Shawn Desman

Shawn Desman brought us the song “Get Ready” in 2002. This song includes the lyrics “This is how we rock in the T-Dot” bringing on the insufferable amount of people trying to call Toronto the T-Dot. The video itself brings us all the worst stereotypes of the Early 2000s including Timberlands, Air Force Ones, and of course some very baggy track suits.

Number 3: Snow

Though nobody really knows the lyrics everybody know the 1992 song “Informer”. What most in the US do not know about is Snows early 2000s comeback and his song “Legal”. The video features a cameo from Bubbles of The Trailer Park Boys, but no cameo in the world can save these lyrics. The chorus is “Legal, Tender and Fine, she’s not conceited but she knows she’s a dime” yes the lyrics are about a young girl who is barely 18, ugh, yeah so it’s no surprise this song became no where near as popular as “Informer”.

Number 2: Ricky J

One can only image the uproar that would occur if Ricky J tried to release his 2001 song “No Means No”. It only takes a look at the title for you to know this song is going to be bad. Yes the lyrics include “But I really want it. No Means No” “It will only take a minute. No Means No”. Its hard to imagine how anybody would ever thing any of this was a good idea, but apparently the long winters make people numb to the lyrical content.

Number 1: B4-4

The winner (?) of this list is none other then a boy band from my hometown of Thornhill, Ontario, Canada. I present to you the B4-4 classic “Get Down”. What happens when you take 2 South African twins an Israeli guy and give them spray tans along with an unlimited hair gel budget? You get this steaming pile. This subversive song about “Getting Down” even features the lyric “Going to make her come tonight… Over to my house”. Debuting right before the beginning of my freshman year of high school, it was impossible to not walk the halls and not see somebody with this insufferable hair style.


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