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There is something that is magical about sports movies. Teams coming together and overcoming the obstacles to take home the championship. As a fan of sports movies I wanted to break down the best fictional sports championships as there are some trophies we wish we can take home, but don’t actual exist (or didn’t exist until after the movie). Check it out and let me know what trophy you would love to hoist up in victory.
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Junior Goodwill Games
One of my personal favorite flicks D2: The Mighty Ducks introduced us to the Junior Goodwill Games. Yes Ted Turner did create the Goodwill Games because he hated the political bullshit of the Olympics. But this was a Junior edition that takes place during the summer yet features winter events (like Hockey). In fact Hockey is seemingly the most popular event at this competition and people in Los Angeles are not only rapid fans, but also playing street hockey as well. As a note I’ve lived in LA for 15+ years and have never seen anybody playing street hockey… The chance to defend American Hockey integrity versus our bitter rivals in Iceland would have been a thrill. In fact I think good play in this completion would be enough to also earn you a scholarship to a prestigious prep school, but I digress.
Bourbon Bowl
When the South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs were able to finally break their losing streak and start winning football games on the back of their Waterbody (Bobby Boucher Jr.) they are rewarded with a trip to the Bourbon Bowl. It’s a New Years day Bowl Game, so that guarantees a huge TV audience and the fact they also got to play their biggest rival of University of Louisiana the game keeps a very cajun feel. The fact you drive your boat right in to the stadium is a big plus. To be able to hoist this trophy and know you made Mama proud would be huge.
ADAA Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open
The American Dodgeball Association of American lets any team that can qualify get a chance at winning the grand prize $50,00 and having Dodgeball Immortality. The tournament competition can be deep and as commentator Cotton McKnight Points intros the event “ It’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.”. Every child who picks up a dodgeball dreams about lifting up that trophy in front of an audience on ESPN 8: The Ocho, because “If it’s almost a sport, we’ve got it here.”.
Kumite
An illegal martial arts tournament where people from all over the world can fight to the death, um where do we sign up??? Yes Frank Dux the basis of the movie Bloodsport claims that it is a real event, so far it seems to be clear he is full of shit. To get an invitation to the top secret tournament and known to be the baddest fighter in the world would be pretty cool, but of course you couldn’t do to much bragging about it cause you know it’s illegal…
The Space Jam
Get your Looney Tunes Pals together and get ready for the Space Jam! It’s a winner take all game in which the stakes affect the lives of all those that you love. In order to be a part of the game you need to get sent to Looney Tunes World and gather a squad of ACME’s finest, but to say be able to defeat the Monstars (or the Goon Squad in Space Jam 2) would be bragging rights that not many could match. Plus you get your love of the game back (or your son in the case of Space Jam 2). To be able to celebrate this victory with all your Looney friends would be a once in a lifetime experience non of your friends will believe unless you have a pal like Bill Murray who knows a teamster and can help out.
Denslow Cup
BASEketball is one of the greatest sports ever invented. It’s a league where anybody can play as long has you have a decent jumpshot and can withstand some Psyche Outs. It’s a league without all of the thrills of the other major professional leagues. The prestigious trophy is named after Ted Denslow who helped take the game from something played in a driveway to being broadcast all over the world. With a playoff that lasts over 9 months “And if no clear winner emerges from all of this, a two-man sack race will be held on consecutive Sundays until a champion can be crowned.”. To be able to hoist the cup and get props from Mr October himself Reggie Jackson (not Dewayne Zachamore) would be a lifelong dream for any sports fan.
All Valley Karate Tournament
The San Fernando Valley is home to the biggest Karate tournament has ever seen the All Valley under 18 Karate Tournament. Los Angeles does seem to have the most dojos per capita of any city (per my estimation) and it’s a chance for you to reach glory wether you live in Reseda, Encino or even Sherman Oaks! Everybody in the valley knows it’s happening and you do not want to be a part of the losing dojo. In fact people have been choked out for coming in second place (even though he did sweep the leg as per his sensei’s wishes). Adults will go all in and settle all kinds of disputes “On the Mat”. We all know the way we settle anything is through karate (who needs a legal system!?) and how much everybody loves to crowd around and watch karate tournaments. Decades can go by and people remember the winner of this obscure high school karate tournament like it was yesterday. In fact to be able to say you are the best karate person who lives North of Ventura Blvd is something that people would respect the world over!
