Space Jam 2020

During this pandemic we need stories and things to believe in. Yes LeBron James is all set with Space Jam: A New Legacy set to release in 2021, but I feel there is need for a Space Jam story to be told this year!

Right now we live in a country built around uncertainty. The president is an unfit buffoon and is leading us on a path of destruction. This is a situation far worse than that of the Looney Tunes and the bad guy is far worse than anything that can be written about “Moron Mountain”. Even if not reelected there is fear that the office may not be relinquished. Not only is this bad guy not a Basketball fan, he especially does not like the Chicago Bulls since Barack Obama is fan. In fact this guy probably took down the basketball court added to the White House…

Following the documentary “The Last Dance” we learned a lot about Michael Jordan and his intense competitive nature and his willingness to do anything to defeat those who have slighted him. We also know that Michael Jordan has been known to place the occasional wager and the higher the stakes, the more tempting.

Right now Michael Jordan is the hero we need. Somebody so focussed and determined that he will do whatever it takes to win. We also know that the bad guy cannot resist “The Art of the Deal”. The one place they can compete is the Golf course. Michael Jordan has been golfing forever, it’s his favorite pastime and where he likes to place some substantial bets on the one person he can trust himself. The bad guy too is an avid golfer, in fact he prefers golfing to doing his job and helping anybody other then his select group of friends.

So the bet must be agreed upon in order for the game to commence. The bad guy would love nothing more than to take control of the Jordan brand and all of his entities. This bad guy loves nothing more than seeing his name anywhere it can be: a building, a college and even on some steaks. He’s intrigued by the power of taking over the Jordan Brand, to have his name on all of the sneakers worn by basketball players worldwide. He would have total control of the sneakers and can make sure they are priced and released to his liking. If you disobey him you may never get a pair again, or he may stop releasing them altogether or worst of all you’ll have to play games in them for your friends and family to see…

Michael Jordan only wants thing from: The Presidency. If Michael Jordan wins the game he will be the President of the United States affective immediately. The bad guy believes he’s the greatest at anything, so he is unafraid of this challenge. In fact following his agreement he goes on to his favorite social media platform to make fun of his opponent. He then goes on his favorite news channel to give his “Fair and Balanced” opinion. During this press time he says “Michael Jordan is loser, in fact when he played in this city of Washington they didn’t win a thing. Even further back then that the Chicago Bulls, were never that great, I can not only make America Great Again, I can do the same thing for Basketball”.

Michael Jordan was ready for the golf game. He did his usual pregame rituals including putting on his North Carolina practice shorts and a fresh pair of Air Jordan 11s ready for the golf course. He took his practice swings when his friend Bill Murray comes running in out of breath. “What’s going on Bill” Michael asks. “His airness, you’ve got to see this video” Bill retorts when finally catches his breath. He hands Michael an iPad and we see Michael’s expression immediately turned. “This is personal”.

The golf game begins and each players shows up with their Caddy. Michael Jordan chooses Bill Murray his friend, confidant and of course internal part of the Movie “Caddyshack”. The bad guy chooses his son-in-law, a weasel looking man who always seem to use ubiquitous ways to get ahead in life. Though not hitting the ball well the bad guys balls always seem to end up pretty close to the green. The two remain tied through the front nine.

Everybody seems confused how those terrible swings can always be so close to the green, Bill Murray says he’s got a secret weapon that will help them find out what is going on. As Bill wanders off, Michael is left confused “Bill Where are you going!?”. Bill runs off “Michael, hold it down, I’ll be right back”.

We go to the 17 hole. The bad guy proceeds to hit another ball off the tee and all you hear is a “Shank”, his caddy takes the binoculars and shouts “great shot, right on the green again”. All of a sudden something hops out of the grass.

The bad guy shouts “What is that thing?”, his son-in-law is also confused. Bill Murray then runs in shouting “cheaters, they have been cheating all along”. Finally up out of the grass comes Mr. Gopher (yes Mr.Gopher from Caddyshack). Bill explains the bad guy and his son-in-law have been cheating the entire time. They have been fracking near this golf course and built a system to always have one of the bad guys balls appear near the pin on every hole. Mr. Gopher is not even able to live on the golf course anymore as it is so dangerous. He made the brave trek back today to help out the planet.

“You have no proof” shouts the bad guy. “This is all a charade and there is no way that I would lie to the people and dishonor the game”. “Okay” Michael says “we have one hole left, let’s take one put from the same spot of the green, you make it you win, you miss it and you, your son-in-law and entire family leave to Moron Mountain”. “If you don’t know how to get there you can use that fancy Space Force of yours” pipes in Bill Murray.

Michael steps to the green and hits the putt. The bad guy goes and the putt moves towards the hole and rims along the hole and bounces out. “This isn’t fair” pipes the bad guy “there was wind that was not fair”. “A deal is a deal” states Jordan. “I’m not leaving this course, I demand a redo” says the bad guy. “There will not be a redo” Barack Obama emerges. “I’ve read over this contract and had my lawyers read it as well and it does not lay claim to any redoes”. Suddenly the secret service rushes in and all we see is the bad guy and his family being loaded up on a one way flight to Moron Mountain.

Michael Jordan inherits the White House. The first thing he did was bring back the basketball court! The next thing he did was make sure that the country was in good hands as he knew he was not meant to be president. Michael Jordan and Barack Obama can be seen shooting around discussing who would be the best next president for the United States of America. They discuss how we need somebody who will take care of the people, do things not just for the economy, but for our healthcare system and to build a strong education system. Obama rims out a shot and the ball rolls over to the side where we hear a voice say “I got next”. It has the confidence of somebody who can be a leader for this country. As the camera turns up… we see Bugs Bunny.

Fade to Black


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